trust.

where does trust come in in a relationship? is it when you start being friends or lovers? is it the first time you meet someone, or after a few dates? or is it after years of friendship? how can we ever know if we can fully trust someone in our lives? we may think we know someone and call them our “best friend” and one day they start hiding things and going behind your back because they think being honest and telling you whats going on will make you mad.
in the long run, what makes you more mad…someone not telling you and you finding out through someone else something huge an serious about your best friends life, or telling you the truth up front.
ill tell you my take, i would rather be told because at least then it would be out in the open and i would have to learn to accept it. but instead, people get this crazy idea in their heads that in order to not hurt someone, they just wont tell them. which constitutes as lying in my book.
after seven years of friendship you would think that trust wouldnt even be an issue by now. but instead its just beginning. i am learning that it doesnt matter how many years you have known someone, how long you loved them, or how much you both invest in the relationship. at one point or another people begin to challenge your trust and make you re-think just how much you actually can have faith in that person.
it doesnt matter that they’re sorry and say the’ll never do it again, cause they lied once, or several times for that matter, and how do i know they wont do it again? cause they gave me their word? well their word is kind of shot to hell now dont you think?
how am i supposed to trust someone who hides things from me because they “dont want to hurt my feelings”? how am i supposed to pick up where we left off and start telling them everything again, and why should i?
trust is huge for me. i have had alot of reasons on the past to not trust people, but for some reason it has never stopped me from having faith in the human race and trusting everyone. but lately this doesnt even seem lagit to me. why havent i been scarred by the past incidences of mistrust? i think this one has scarred me.
i am one of the most trustworthy people i know of. i dont tell secrets, if you ask me a question ill be honest to the best of my ability, and i have alot of people who confide in me. if i were to break that one day and hurt someone who gave me their trust, i would be heartbroken. i pride myself in my ability to gain peoples trust and i would never abuse that, especially on someone i care about this much.
i want to trust people, but now i question why i ever did. no one cares about anyone but themseleves.